Yucca, The Land of Progress!
Wow I didn't even know that Yucca Flats was such a progressive place, at least that's what the narrator/director keeps telling us over and over. I don't know about you but when did a desert become a place of progress!?!

This has to be one of the funniest movies I've ever seen, that was not intentionally being funny! Everyone credits Plan 9 From Outer Space as being the worst film of all time but I have to say this movie makes Plan 9 look like a big budget motion picture. Everything about this film is just plain bad but that's what makes it so damn entertaining! I see that many people don't agree with me but where else can you watch a chase scene that is absolutely ridiculous?

A Soviet scientist (Tor Johnson in his last starring role, thank god) is running from people that are shooting at him at point blank range but continue to miss him. You have to understand that Tor is a huge wrestler and is not that quick on his feet and is an EASY target but somehow he outruns these pursuers and ends up right next to the stock footage of a nuclear bomb going off!

Well with a little bit of facial skin damage and a hand that has some peeling skin (he must have had a sunburn from all of the desert scenes and that's the extent of the effects) he is turned into THE BEAST! No he looks like the same guy but badly in need of sunscreen! Get this man some aloe pronto and he won't be so crazy. Well this sends him over the deep end as the announcer so kindly tells us. The narration is what makes this stinker so darn funny. It sounds sometimes like he is just reading some random words and it's all improvisation. Sometimes it makes sense and sometimes it doesn't, like this classic line, "Children from New York, not exposed to progress" HUH? What? Are you telling me that there is more progress in the desert than in New York? What a mess this film is but that's what makes it so lovingly wonderful!

Get a couple of kegs, invite some friends over and watch their faces turn to shock and horror when you put this stinker on! I'm not sure what you'll laugh at more, the horrified faces or the completely awful film that this is. Either way, it's guaranteed to make the party fun for you, I don't know what your guests will think though. Really build it up like it's the classic that it isn't or is. I don't know I just know I loved it for how horribly awful it was. I'm still laughing about this dreck.

I simply could not get thru it
This is yet another film that is so bad that you can't even enjoy it for camp value. It is just plain stupid, without humor, without acting, without a speck of plot beyond the crudest formula. Scientist gets exposed to radiation. Becomes killer zombie thingie. I did not watch what happened, though I did sit thru several poorly acted murders.

Not recommended. There are infinitely better films you can get for the same price. If this film has the reputation of being one of the worst ever made, I am not surprised.

Some Things Were Not Meant to Be Seen by the Eyes of Man
I am unsure of why I gave this movie two stars instead of one. I think it might have been Tor Johnson's riveting performance. Well, maybe it was the scene where the sheriff shoots a guy running down the road because, (1) the guy was running down the road and (2) he could. Something about this movie just begs for a remake. Maybe they could use Tor Johnson again. Just because Johnson has been dead for more than 35 years would hardly be noticeable if the remake was anything like this movie.

The really bad thing about this movie is that the opening scene is the best scene in the entire movie. The movie goes down hill from there. Tor Johnson is supposedly a scientist defecting to the U.S. I suppose the people chasing after Johnson are supposed to be KGB or spies. Regardless, the protection he got from his bodyguards was pitiful, but did give Johnson an excuse to wander off into the nearby desert, which also happens to be where nuclear testing regularly occurred.

Now, you might wonder why this particular nuclear testing site was open to tourists. I am going to have to let you speculate on that one, because I have no good answers. The really unfortunate thing for Tor Johnson is that he missed the souvenir stand at the entrance to the site. You know, the one with the two-headed lizards and the replica giant Gila monsters known to have been created by nuclear radiation. I digress.

The radiation turns Tor/the Soviet scientist into a mindless killing machine. Tor then stumbles about the desert silently. As it turns out, director Francis Coleman made the movie very silently because he filmed none of the movie with a soundtrack. Everything you hear, Coleman had dubbed later, which is why the little boys lost in the desert sound like they are talking from the bottom of a coffee can. Of course, the lack of sound meant that Tor Johnson could stumble about the desert without making a sound, sneaking up on people to attack them. Yeah, I know. But that statement makes about as much sense as the movie.

The local sheriff decides that shooting anyone running about the desert is a sure-fire method of eliminating the killer, no matter how many innocent fathers he has to kill in the process. Of course, if you kill enough innocent people, eventually you have to get the killer through process of elimination. If you ever wondered why the desert is so empty...

Anyway, by the time this movie is over I was scratching my head. I was wondering why I subject myself to these movies. I was wondering who gave Francis Coleman money to make this thing. I was wondering why Tor Johnson agreed to appear in this movie, which killed his career (it was the last movie Johnson ever made). On the other hand, you would have thought that "Plan 9 from Outer Space" would have killed Johnson's film career. You just never know, I guess.

On the other hand, if you get all worked up about the sound and picture quality, I can tell you that both seem to replicate the inanity of the original film with too much accuracy.

If you have to watch every awful science fiction movie ever made, you absolutely have to get this movie. Is it worse than "Plan 9 from Outer Space"? That is a hard call. However, this movie sure gives that movie a challenge as far as being the worst movie ever made. Just remember, there are some things that were not meant to be seen by the eyes of man, and this movie may be one of them.

Good luck!

TOR JOHNSON IS BRILLIANT!!!
Tor Johnson's performance is better than anything DeNiro has ever done. The subtle brutality demonstrated by Tor and sparse dialog add unbelievable tension to the cold war era atmosphere of the film. The picture quality is perfect and the soundtrack sets the pace. This movie should've won an Oscar on cinematography alone with the breathtaking mountain scenery on par with Lawrence of Arabia. Don't miss this one!

The Worst of Coleman Francis, and That Says A Lot
I best remember this movie for the narrator's random comment, "Flag on the moon. How did it get there?" Everything else is extremely forgettable.

Well, Tor Johnson is supposed to be some kind of large scientist running away or something. But an A-bomb explosion turns him into the Beast of Yucca Flats. Which means he wears ugly rags and runs around, instead of wearing a suit and running around, like he was doing earlier in the movie. Actually, I don't know what the plot of the movie is, but I think this is really it. If I'm wrong, I'm not off by much, and if I am off by much, my plot synopsis is bound to be better than the actual plot of the movie. That's how bad it is.

So some rifle guys in helicopters are called in to hunt down the beast. They see a man in the field with his kid and immediately their minds think, "There's the beast right there! Let's kill it!" So that's what they do. And I forget how the Beast of Yucca Flats dies, or if he dies, but I'll always remember, "Flag on the moon," even though I'll NEVER know what the heck that means.