Getting Real Is What Life is ( or should be) About
As an adult convert to the Christian faith, I found out real quickly that the `sin' Jesus died for was very real and doing quite well in my life.
I appreciate Lauren Winner sharing her own personal struggle because I can relate to her experiences, particularly her anger with the contemporary church. We do seem more interested in fighting the sins of the world than with the sins of our own heart.
I also agree with Lauren and can not understand why leaders in the church do not publicly address human sexuality from a biblical world view. The idea of sex had its origin in the mind of God. According to the Bible, it pleased God to make us male and female. The Bible also makes it clear that the first order of business was to populate the world and subdue it. SEX was God's idea and the bliss and pleasure were not necessary for procreation. Much can be said about Christian hedonism but I would refer anyone interested in ultimate pleasure to read John Piper's books Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist or When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight For Joy.
Lauren approached a lot of issues in her book. Some books, like this one, are inadequate for bringing resolution to a troubled heart. I have found that the Holy Spirit is often a disturber before He is a comforter. I am sure some readers felt the tension that comes with being convicted or provoked. I remember reading Pamela Paul's book "Pornified: How Pornography Is Damaging Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families: and being incredibly disturbed for things I had done and how they effected me and my family. A book I found very helpful to deal with my past is LOVE WITHOUT SHAME by David B. Wyrtzen. While all of these books are good resources for self examination, they can not substitute for what sinful people really need, and that is to be forgiven by a Savior who is just as real as the sin and subsequent guilty feelings. Healing for the soul can begin here ESV Thinline Bible, Premium Bonded Leather, Black, Red Letter Text.
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For the practice of the virtue of chastity
The quotation by C.S. Lewis found in the early pages of this book really captures the purpose of a book like this. Lewis remarks, "Chastity is the most unpopular of the Christian virtues." For this reason, and for the fact that it is also a very difficult virtue to practice, and for the fact that church sponsored abstinence programs have had disappointing success rates, AND for the fact that our culture is doing everything to discourage the practice of this virtue--we have this excellent book by Lauren Winner. As one who came to Christianity after having become accustomed to premarital sex as part of her dating life, Winner continued this practice in her early experience as a Christian. The church should be dismayed that, according to her report, it offered little in the way of accountability or support in the practice of the virtue of chastity. Her book aims to in some part fill this void.
Perhaps some of the most insightful portions of this book are the chapters on "Lies the Culture Tells Us About Sex," and "Lies the Church Tells Us About Sex." Here she dispels some of the untruths that the world uses to disconnect sexuality from marriage and procreation, and that we can indulge in apart from commitment and without consequences. She addresses the issue of dress and modesty in relation to the practice of chastity, and the positive allure of the hidden. And she unveils the damaging effects of the cultural lie that sex must always be earth-shattering and adventurous, and that meaningful and passionate sex cannot happen in the routine of marriage.
When it comes to the church, she unveils some myths that the church has propagated in its eagerness to defend chastity. While often well-intentioned, these myths have sometimes served to discredit the church in the minds of those who have transgressed sexually, and discovered that premarital sex doesn't always make you feel guilty (though it certainly can). Further, that women, not only men, are sexually driven beings, and finally, that bodies are not "gross, dirty, or unimportant." Winner does a fine job of exalting the good gift of sexuality and the embodiment of love through it, as a tremendous good that God has created for the use of His creation. However, most importantly, she exalts this gift of sexuality in the context which God created it to be used--marriage. Her entire book is undergirded by a positive and biblical view of sex and marriage, and this theology of sexuality is foundational to her book. One of the quotations that really stuck in my head, was the fortuitious statement of biblical truth that occurred in the movie Vanilla Sky (not worth seeing, btw), where a woman remarked: "Don't you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not?" This is a rather striking way of stating the truth that St. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 6:15-20, that sexual intercourse inevitably creates a one-flesh union between man and woman.
Perhaps one of the most unexpected surprises of Winner's book was the way she talked about private confession and absolution. She talked about the consolation and release she discovered in privately confessing her sins to her pastor, and hearing the words of Christ's grace and forgiveness personally spoken to her. While this didn't suddenly transform her behavior in a miraculous way, it did help her with the unburdening of guilt. When she returns to the matter of confession later in the book, she aptly states that whether done before a pastor or another Christian, confession "puts us in the company of people who can speak truth in love to us, about our sin, about the need for amendment of life." This point about her book should be underscored again--that the sins and failures in practicing the virtue of chastity, that burden so many people, are burdens that can be and are lifted by the strong arms of Jesus Christ, who bore our sins on His shoulders to the cross. It is in the strength of His forgiveness that single Christians are emboldened to walk forward in new life, practicing chastity in the present, until the time should come when they can enjoy the God-given gift of sexuality in marriage. Much more could be said about this excellent book, including her practical advice on learning the walk of chastity, but I will leave it at that and urge you to read it for yourself.
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